Two Smugglers Walk Into a Space Bar...

It seems like a simple enough question, but the answer is more complicated than one might think.  Today, via Twitter, we here at Lost Continuity set out to answer this all-important question:

Who would win in a bar fight, Han Solo or Malcolm Reynolds?

The only chance we had was to approach this logically, dissect it from all angles and see who would have the advantage.

CRITERIA 1: KNOWN PURE EXPERIENCE WITH FISTICUFFS

Point goes to...

While we're sure both men could throw down hand to hand, we've got more evidence to support Mal as a scrapper.


CRITERIA 2: ELEMENT OF SURPRISE

Point goes to...

I mean.  Come on.  It might be close but Han is the man infamous for shooting first.

CRITERIA 3: CREW POTENTIAL SHOULD FIGHT BECOME A BRAWL

Point goes to...

Look, if it were one on one, we'd back the guy with the Wookie.  Even two on one we'd be willing to call it a draw.  But Mal's crew packs a deranged mercenary, a career military second-in-command and a crazy psychic living weapon.  None of whom would be particularly interested in letting the Wookie win.

CRITERIA 4: ESCAPE POTENTIAL

Point, obviously, goes to...

The Serenity is a ship that means a lot to her crew, but let's face it, the thing is mostly held together with the future equivalent of duct tape (which...may actually BE duct tape, come to think of it).  But the Millennium Falcon is THE MILLENNIUM FALCON.  We're pretty sure even Kaylee would have to vote Han in this category (even if she felt really bad about it afterwards).

Of course, Tushar raised the argument that the faster ship would mean Han was more likely to run from the fight, but Ashly's logic is this: the person with the faster ship would be more likely to draw out the fight, knowing they could get out faster.

THIS, however, leads to the question of who would benefit most from a longer fight.  Han isn't really a "give-up" sort of guy and, well, Mal has some understandable issues with the idea of surrendering.  But who would gain the most from the fight going on?

Which makes this question even more difficult to answer, so we're turning it over to you.  In the Han versus Mal bar brawl, who gets knocked out and who gets to knock back a few more drinks before leaving?  Your intrepid bloggers are remaining neutral on this issue*, so we want to hear your arguments.

And if you think THIS is hard, be glad that we decided the math would become far too difficult if we introduced another factor into the fight:

*Yes, we ARE REMAINING NEUTRAL, Tushar, I made this unilateral decision for us.  Deal with it.  -Ash